Mum,
I know you expect the world from me but I’m sorry, I only live here. You’ve been giving me the same knee-jerking response since before I could even use my knees “we love you equally, you both have your own strengths and weaknesses!”
Let’s cut the crap.
I’m second best, the silver medalist, the runner up, second fiddle in the orchestra and the more we encourage the illusion that I’m anything more, the more patronized and degraded I feel. This isn’t vindictive or bitter, this is fact.
I went to Nationals, she went to the World Champs. After weeks of study I crawled home with A minuses, she auto-piloted A pluses. People told you that I was handsome, she got the modelling contract. Yes I may be good looking but she is stunning.
She may be a liar but honesty isn’t something you can put on a CV and expect to stand out. Yes I’m reasonably intelligent but she’s a genius.
She was here first, she got to the finish line first, number one has always been her spot. So let number two be mine.
Don’t compare my failed attempts with her successes and most of all please don’t expect greatness. Not all of us can be great otherwise great would just be normal. I’m doing the best I can and I know that she did better, but I am not her. I’m only me.
Getting 85% in an exam is a big deal for me, but you insist on ruining it by telling me what I failed to reach. Your ideals are constantly overshadowing what is, to anyone else, a good job.
You have objectified her to be everything I fall short of being and as my sister, she has never done a thing to me but still, down in the pit of my stomach, I hate her. It’s not her fault though.
There are so many stupid people out there but I wish you would just be proud that I’m not one of them. I am not an Olympian nor am I a child prodigy. Saying I can do better no matter how hard I’ve tried just makes the effort I’ve already put in look worthless. How have we gone so wrong?
I truly do appreciate what encouragement you do give me, but please remember even among giants I am only me. stop expecting more.
always,
Second best.
